The Sleep I Never Had.

What I Wish I'd Known About Rest, Recovery and Surviving Early Motherhood.

Hi there, I’m Claudia, a Holistic Health Coach, author and founder of Minimondo. With over two decades of experience, and a bunch of changes that have knocked me off course, I set up Minimondo to empower women to navigate their own life transitions with confidence & joy! Now, I can’t wait to help you.

The topic of the day (and honestly, the last 10 years for me) is sleep.

Before having children, I didn’t think much about sleep. I didn’t know I was a light sleeper, nor did I realise how badly I functioned without it. But guess what? While I breezed through weaning (they’re Italian—my boys were practically ready for pizza from birth), potty training (five potties around the house made sure they took to that like ducks to water), and even weaning off the dummy (thank you, dummy fairy, and Lego bribes), the one thing that completely floored me in my first year of motherhood was sleep—or, rather, the lack of it.

So today feels like the perfect moment to reflect on that experience and what I’ve learned since. This is not a memoir on sleep training or sleep routines, this is about our ability as mothers to cope with the lack of sleep – something two thirds of new mothers say they were not prepared for at all!

The Sleep I Never Had

The Importance of Sleep

A quick note on this. We all know sleep is important, and the past decade has only reinforced this, with even more research proving its crucial role in our wellbeing. Sleep is the body's ultimate reset button, restoring balance so we can function at our best. Without enough of it, we can feel foggy and irritable, In fact, research shows that chronic sleep deprivation weakens the immune system, disrupts metabolism, and heightens cravings for sugar and processed foods.

So, what do you do when you have a baby who just doesn’t sleep? How do you preserve your sanity, your energy, your ability to function? How, in early motherhood, when sleep is often most elusive, can we find ways to rest enough to not feel the hugely negative impact sleep deprivation can have on our minds, body and soul?

It’s about redefining rest.

While uninterrupted sleep may be a luxury in early motherhood, finding moments to recharge—whether through naps, mindful pauses, or even deep breathing—can make a difference. Prioritising sleep when possible, accepting support, and letting go of non-essential tasks can help balance the inevitable exhaustion.

Looking back, I wish I had a simple plan to help me through those sleepless months. I was completely focused on following a sleep routine for my sons that I didn’t think about my own needs at all. So, when I look back at those dark, rainy, sleep deprived first few months of motherhood, I honestly wish I had a bit of a plan that would keep me calm and more relaxed when the onslaught of sleepless nights hit. Ultimately, it’s not just about the hours of sleep but the quality of rest you allow yourself. So, here’s the list I would have handed my past self—small but powerful ways to find rest amidst the chaos.

• Micro-napping. As new mothers, we tend to track our baby’s sleep with military precision, but we rarely give the same attention to our own rest. If you struggle to sleep during the day (I did!), then finding moments of quiet rest is just as important. Rest is not just a substitute for sleep—it’s a powerful way to restore energy. Even a micro-nap, just 10–15 minutes of closing your eyes, can provide a much-needed reset. Try creating a restful environment: a snug corner of the house with a lavender candle, dim lighting, and no distractions. Even ten minutes of intentional rest—whether it’s a brief nap or simply lying down in stillness—can make a difference.

  
  

• Move your body. Exercise plays a crucial role in regulating your circadian rhythm by helping your body establish a natural sleep-wake cycle. A short walk in the morning exposes you to daylight, reinforcing your internal clock, while movement during the day can help reduce stress and promote deeper sleep at night. In the evening, opt for low-impact activities like stretching or yoga to signal to your body that it’s time to wind down. Certain poses, such as forward bends and legs-up-the-wall, activate the parasympathetic nervous system, reducing cortisol levels and preparing you for restful sleep. Just be mindful to avoid intense workouts too close to bedtime, as they can have the opposite effect by increasing alertness.

  
  

• Ditch the scrolling. Blue light from screens suppresses melatonin, the hormone that signals to your body that it’s time to sleep. This disrupts your natural circadian rhythm, making it harder to fall asleep and reducing sleep quality. Instead of watching re-runs of Friends when my baby slept in the daytime, I wish I had prioritised more calming, natural and restorative activities. Instead of scrolling, try reading a book, journaling, or practicing a calming ritual. If you must use screens, enable night mode, dim brightness, or wear blue-light-blocking glasses to reduce the impact. Even small changes, like switching to warm lighting, can make a big difference.

  
  

• Get outside. Daylight exposure can regulate your internal clock. Making sure you get outside in the morning can improve sleep quality by reinforcing your circadian rhythm – and that of your child’s too. Even a few minutes in natural light early in the day can set you up for better rest at night.

  
  

• Be mindful of what you eat and drink. Your gut and brain are in constant communication via the gut-brain axis, which means gut health can directly impact sleep. Since most serotonin is produced in the gut, an imbalanced microbiome can interfere with melatonin production, making restful sleep harder to achieve. Eating a diverse range of fibre-rich foods, fermented foods, and healthy fats can help support both digestion and sleep. Caffeine too late in the day can interfere with sleep—you could try switching to matcha in the afternoon, which provides a gentler energy boost without the crash and foods rich in magnesium, like almonds and bananas, can help relax your muscles.

  
  

Looking back, I realise I didn’t do any of these things with my first baby. In fact, I didn’t rest at all. In hindsight, I could have helped myself so much more if I’d slowed down and implemented some of the above ideas.

But maybe one of the most important things I will leave you with, above all of these practical ideas is to slow down, show yourself some love and trust your gut.

Every baby, every mother, and every situation is unique—so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to sleep (or motherhood, for that matter). Advice and sleep strategies can be helpful, but they tend to focus solely on getting the baby into a good sleep routine whilst the mother can get lost stressing in the background. The best sleep strategy is the one that works for you, the mother, because a happy, energised mama is going to help the baby immensely.

I was speaking with a new mother yesterday, and it reminded me of one of the biggest challenges I faced in my first year: I didn’t trust my own instincts. I read all the books (hello, Gina Ford), listened to all the advice, and followed every structured sleep plan to the letter. As prescribed, I moved my baby into his own room at six months because that’s what ‘I was told to do’—only to find myself up and down like a yo-yo every night and even sleeping on a sofa bed in the baby’s room most nights. It just made things worse for me. In hindsight, I wish I had slowed down and listened to my gut and what ‘felt right’ for me. Because the truth is, fighting your intuition can create more stress—which, in turn, affects both yours and your baby’s sleep. So, while routines and strategies can help, what matters most is what works for you.

And I leave you with the beautiful words of John Lubbock, "Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time."

So, if today all you do is rest—know that it’s enough.

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