Lost in Motherhood?

How Matrescence Changes Your Identity

It turns out that motherhood isn’t just about growing and raising a child—it’s about growing and raising yourself, too. For me, I definitely thought I was ready for this crazy motherhood journey, but it turns out I had a lot to learn. I wasn’t ready for the hormonal shifts in the postpartum period which lead to heightened emotions, mood swings, and, at times, anxiety. It reshapes the way we think, feel, and approach the world – it is possibly one of the biggest transformations a woman will experience.

Newfound Purpose: Your North Star

Before motherhood, priorities often revolve around personal and professional ambitions. While these remain important, the why behind our actions can shift dramatically. Suddenly, there’s a new layer of meaning in everything we do. Understanding this why—our deep-rooted purpose—allows us to navigate change with confidence and conviction. It becomes our North Star, guiding us when we feel off course.

For example, before becoming a mother, I thought I needed to be a certain weight to look good. That was my motivation for fitness. But after having my babies, that wasn’t enough to keep me consistent. I struggled to prioritise exercise, constantly battling mum guilt whenever I chose a workout over staying home. It took me years to realise that my real why had changed. I wanted to be fit so I could easily pick up my boys, chase them around, and play sports with them as they grew.

Now, every time I have to decide between pressing snooze or getting up for a run, I come back to that why. And every time, it helps me make a choice that aligns with my purpose. But even when we discover this deeper purpose, it’s easy to lose ourselves in the daily demands of motherhood.

It wasn’t always like this

It’s definitely been a journey for me. I went through a period of time after I became a mother where I was putting all of the focus on the children – what they were eating, if their bedroom was the right temperature, when their naptimes were, that I got lost in the background. It became a vicious cycle – less me, more them – and so it continued. Because our actions form our reality, our thoughts, our feelings, our identity.

It took me time to realise that I needed to be intentional with my actions, to actively put myself back in the picture and to prioritise myself again so that I could thrive, not just survive through motherhood.

Part of my journey was understanding the different aspects of wellbeing, of self-care so to speak – across mind, body and soul. The power of considering mind, body, and soul in self-care and holistic wellbeing lies in their deep interconnection—each influencing the other in a continuous cycle. When we nurture one, we naturally support the others. A calm mind can ease tension in the body; a strong, well-nourished body can provide clarity and stability for the mind; and a fulfilled soul, enriched through purpose and connection, can bring balance to both.

True wellbeing comes from aligning these three elements. If we focus only on physical health but neglect our mental and emotional needs, we might feel disconnected or unfulfilled. Similarly, prioritising mindfulness without movement or proper nourishment can leave us feeling stagnant. By integrating all three, we create a foundation for sustainable self-care.

The energy of the mind is the essence of life

As Aristotle wisely said, "The energy of the mind is the essence of life." And that’s why the mind is a great place to start. Motherhood is a transformative experience, not just for the body but profoundly for the mind. Hormonal shifts during pregnancy and the postpartum period can lead to heightened emotions, mood swings, and, in some cases, anxiety or depression. Studies indicate that up to one in five women experience mental health issues during this time. To nurture our minds amidst these changes, we focus on two primary levers: Pause and Expand. Let’s take a closer look:

Pause

This lever reminds us to slow down and be present. If we can carve out moments for stillness—whether through deep breathing, meditation, or even something as simple as a mindful face massage—we give ourselves space to reflect on our purpose and align with it.

For me this looks like taking deep breaths when overwhelm creeps in, spending a few minutes every morning massaging my face when applying my face cream (so I slow down and don’t rush off) and going for walks to clear your mind and reset. I’ve tried and tested many different things but these are the ones I keep coming back to and that have the biggest impact for me.

Expand

This lever encourages us to nourish our minds and stay open to growth. When we actively learn—whether through reading, listening to inspiring podcasts, or exploring new interests—we strengthen our ability to adapt and evolve in alignment with our purpose.

I feel most inspired when I’m reading new books, discovering new restaurants, exhibitions or gigs to go to or listening to podcasts that inspire new ways of thinking.

The Circle of Pause and Expand

But I’ve found that the real beauty of these two levers is that they are not separate actions but part of a continuous cycle, each fuelling and reinforcing the other. When we intentionally pause, we create space for clarity and awareness. When we expand, we introduce new energy and growth. The way we balance and align these levers directly impacts not just how we feel, but also how we think, which in turn influences how we continue to act. In motherhood, giving ourselves the space to pause and expand isn't just a luxury—it's essential to reigniting the spark of life within us. It’s easy to get caught in the whirlwind of everyday demands, but nurturing the continuous cycle of pause and expansion can bring us back to a place where we feel alive, inspired, and empowered.

Imagine this cycle in motion:

• Pause allows us to reset, slow down, and be present, amongst the chaos of motherhood. Reducing stress and creating a sense of calm.

• This state of calm and clarity makes expansion more effective—we take in new ideas, experiences, and learnings from a place of openness rather than overwhelm. In short, we start to feel that spark again!

  
  

When life is a blur of feedings, school runs, and endless to-do lists, pausing might feel impossible. But carving out even the smallest moments for stillness—whether through deep breathing or a mindful morning ritual—can be transformative. This continuous cycle of pausing and expanding fuels one another, creating a powerful rhythm that helps us align with our true needs, embrace new possibilities, and transform how we think, act, and ultimately feel. In motherhood, this cycle is not just about surviving—it's about thriving, keeping the spark of newness and growth alive while navigating the journey with strength, presence, and clarity.

Activating the Cycle in Daily Life

The key is to personalise the way we activate these levers, ensuring they work for us, not against us. Understanding the cycle is powerful, but true transformation happens when we align it with our individual needs. Rather than treating pause and expansion as rigid concepts, we can adjust their intensity and focus depending on what we require at any given time.

For example:

Feeling mentally exhausted? Prioritise pause, allowing your nervous system to recalibrate before seeking growth.

Feeling stagnant or uninspired? Lean into expansion, shaking up routines and introducing new experiences to refresh your mindset.

Feeling overwhelmed? Balance the two, using pauses to create clarity before choosing the right form of expansion.

When we take conscious action within this cycle, we shape our thoughts and emotions rather than being at their mercy. Pause clears the path. Expand fills it with purpose. And the cycle continues, lifting us with each turn.

Things to Try

Reflection Practice: Ask yourself daily: “Do I need more pause or more expansion today?”

Morning Pages: Write freely each morning to process thoughts before engaging in expansion.

Box Breathing: Use a structured breathwork technique to regulate emotions and shift mental states.

Mini-pause: If you can’t get a full break, try a mini-pause - one deep breath before responding to a toddler meltdown.

By understanding and intentionally engaging in this cycle, we create a life where we feel more in control, more present, and more aligned with what truly matters.

The key is not just knowing about the cycle, but actively taking part in it—shaping your mind, your emotions, and ultimately, your experience of motherhood and beyond. By integrating practices that help you pause and expand, you can find moments to be present and maintain a strong sense of self amidst the changes and challenges of motherhood.

Motherhood can be overwhelming, but living in alignment with your purpose makes the journey feel more intentional and fulfilling. The more we understand our why, the easier it becomes to make choices that support our well-being—without guilt, without hesitation, and with a deep sense of clarity.

By consciously choosing when to pause and when to expand, we create space to feel present, energised, and truly alive in motherhood. It’s not about finding balance—it’s about creating a rhythm that keeps us thriving.

Ready for more? Download your free Matrescence Reset Guide: 6 levers to reclaim your energy, joy and self, and join the free Nurture Your World newsletter for monthly wellness letters designed for the woman behind the mother.

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